All of these factors are valid, but perhaps it's something much simpler. Reeves suggests that I just might not be turned on enough for self-penetration. Are folks like me doomed with a life-long aversion to self-fingering and -penetration? Fortunately, there are various ways to mentally, emotionally, and physically work through the apprehension of fingering yourself. Try somatic awareness: Reeves recommends using somatic awareness aka working with sensation tools for folks who have experienced trauma or undigested emotional experiences.
To avoid shutting down when exploring self-penetration, she says it can be useful to focus on your breath and keep your attention on what's happening in your body instead of feeling taken over by those emotions. She encourages you to ask yourself questions such as, "is my stomach clenched? Self-pleasure without penetration. Self-pleasure is another great way to overcome penetration-related fear, guilt, or trauma, and ease yourself into healing, take back control, and feel safe in your body, says McGrath.
Although self-pleasure obviously encompasses fingering yourself for some folks, try to focus only on external stimulation until you feel ready to progress toward self-penetration. Sex toys can also help bridge the gap between your fingers and your body.
Focus on self-reflection. To do away with shame, McLaughlin suggests self-analysis through journaling you can even start a sex journal or talking things out with a trusted loved one.
She says it's absolutely possible to enjoy sexual pleasure after traumatic events. If penetration feels like too much, look to other activities, such as external stimulation, or experiment with touching other erogenous zones on your body for pleasure.
Can't get rid of the guilt or shame about fingering yourself that pops up? Don't worry. Simply keep those feelings company, and don't try to get too in your head about it. If you do want to get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do about self-fingering, Smith says that better sex education may help combat a lack of sexual or anatomical knowledge.
Consider therapy. That said, some folks might need therapy to unpack the deep-seated shame they carry. Hercman agrees that having a therapeutic space that feels safe to explore one's background, sexual experiences, fears, traumas, and anxieties can be a big help. Just be sure to find a trauma-informed sex therapist, if that's an avenue you'd consider exploring. Sounds like you are having a tough time getting into your vagina, which sometimes happens when you are first starting out. The stage you are at with your sex life is a delicate one for pushing into the next phase, in this case being penetrative sex with either your partner, fingers or a sex toy.
You said you have only enjoyed fingering a couple of times, and the other times, you get to a certain point then you have to stop before it becomes uncomfortable. The vagina is a very stretchy part of your body, and when you are fully aroused, it tends to want to open up a bit more than usual.
This, combined with your natural lubrication, would usually make penetration a successful and pleasurable event, but this takes some practice — nobody is good at it at first. The things that can interrupt this process are numerous, though you have already ticked off a couple: being sexually aroused is critical, which means being turned on by the partner you are with. If you have been examined and can use tampons, you could indeed push on and very slowly and gently try using a sex toy.
Try different angles, and be slow and gentle. You will feel when it hits your cervix. This aroused blood-swelling protects against pain and damage. What this means is that prior to trying to insert the toy, play with your partner and get very turned on — make out, try oral sex, touching, and stimulate your clitoris in a way that you find extremely enjoyable. I would advise against using the vibrator function on any toy just yet, as this can really interrupt the true sensation.
The clitoris is the key to your sexual satisfaction, so make a point to focus on it. Be gentle, discover what you like, and then when you are hot and wet, slowly insert a small toy.
You need something like the Lady Finger, which is thin and long. Start off with smaller objects and graduate when you feel able. This process might take days, weeks or months — everyone is different so take your time and find out what your vagina likes. Go slow! You have the right to not only only want to be your own partner, but to be your favorite sexual partner! And for sure, trust is a big part of that equation. Good on you for knowing yourself and taking good care of yourself in that way.
Vegetable oil isn't generally recommended. I've always assumed that's due to the lower quality of that oil mix and to "vegetable" oil actually being a mix of a bunch of different kinds of oils, including some that aren't so healthy, period, like palm oil. Re: How to finger your vagina by yourself Unread post by hotcoco » Thu Feb 14, pm I want to say, I don't trust anyone with that because I have been raped, sexually assaulted and molested.
It's not surprising that you find it hard to trust other people sexually right now. I hope that you know it is not your fault - are you safely away from the person or people who did this to you now? Is there anything we can do to support you?
Would you like to talk about it more? Re: How to finger your vagina by yourself Unread post by hotcoco » Fri Feb 15, pm Sorry I was at school. Yes I am safe and sure I'll talk more! I'de be more than happy to share my story on here for every one to see! Re: How to finger your vagina by yourself Unread post by Mo » Fri Feb 15, pm If it would feel helpful for you to talk about it, you're welcome to! Mostly we want to make sure we're giving you support around that assault if that's something you'd like us to help with.
Re: How to finger your vagina by yourself Unread post by hotcoco » Fri Feb 15, pm It is something I want support with! What kind of support could we offer to best help you right now? For example, we could help you connect with resources or information, or we could let this be a space for you to process what happened or something else entirely ,. Re: How to finger your vagina by yourself Unread post by hotcoco » Wed Feb 20, pm A space to let me share, process and get support for what happened, if that's ok.
I'm happy this is somewhere that feels safe to do that! Don't see why they call it lonesome. I'm never lonesome when I go there.
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